Talking to Myself

I've been trying to hone my listening skills, or intuition, as some might call it. Some confusion has arisen since I went to a medical intuitive. He said I have active Epstein Barr Virus, fried pituitary and adrenals and my body was "depressed", even though I don't feel mentally depressed like I have in the past. Do I take naturopathic medicine for these things, or continue with the Chinese herbs? Instead of trying to problem solve with my over active brain (the cause of my pituitary exhaustion), I tried listening to the higher intelligence of the universe for my answers.

This morning I heard that the seratonin and adrenal support would mask over my symptoms and hold me back from fully accepting my sadness and grief from the past. I've had three intuitive healers now tell me that my chronic hip, neck and shoulder pain are residual emotions. Ironically, when they tried to come out a few weeks ago, I totally panicked. I said out loud, "universe, I can take anything but this depression, I'd rather be unable to move or talk on the couch". Well, guess what happened the next day… I was calm and happy and unable to move or talk all day on the couch. Be careful what you ask for.

This morning, I realized that my depression, anxiety, and grief from the past are not who I am. They are forms, like my body, an illusion or dream. I don't need to identify with them like I did previously. I said to the universe, "I'm ready to feel my grief and emotions and see that they aren't me". I want to let them rise so they can fall away into the nothingness that they truly are. Keeping them suppressed is only dragging out my illness.

As I spoke, it struck me that I was talking to myself in more than one sense. Humanly, I was alone in the house, talking out loud. Spiritually, when I addressed Divine Spirit, Sabrina (my spirit guide) and Luke (my brother), I was also talking to myself. We are all manifestations of the same oneness, emptiness, Spirit, or whatever else you want to call it. To me, intuition is listening to the infinite intelligence instead of my limited, chattering human mind to make decisions.