My Lost Armor

It's funny when you lose something you were unaware existed, but it's happened. My protective armor and shield has gone missing. I'm not really surprised with the mass exodus my life looks like. Nonetheless, it's been interesting to discover that it's not there. It first became apparent when I realized spending time with people and talking completely drained me. This was first noticeable after my cousin's wedding in mid-October. I was so drained after talking all weekend that I had to be wheeled from the airplane to our car and it took 5 days to recover. The next weekend I went to another wedding, this time in Boulder, with lots of people I knew and wanted to talk to. I even danced for 5 minutes before the molasses hit. I could barely walk the next day. From there I spiraled into weeks where every day, at some point, I was unable to walk without assistance, had a sore throat and needed to whisper or write my thoughts.

I've only had two major crashes since Thanksgiving (major = need assistance walking), which seems like great progress. The two major changes since then are that I switched my Qi building herb inside my daily tonic to ginseng and I've only spent 2 hours with friends. I was completely drained afterwards.

Earlier this week I went to Pier 1 to get more comfortable accent pillows for my couch, since I spend the majority of my time there. Within 5 minutes I was a lump on the couch and realized that the overwhelming smells that hit me when I walked in had knocking me out. I have a bad sense of smell too, so they were obviously strong. I immediately noticed an improvement when I got outside and revived slowly over the next 2 hours (with the help of some moxa).

Yesterday, I was having another good day and did some light weights and showed my car to a couple. The man was one of the largest people I've met but he fit in and had more head room than in most regular cars. The MINI has impressive seats with 4 adjustments and he had it all the way on the floor. I crashed after that and laid on the couch for a couple hours to revive. At 4 I sat up and thought, I'm ready to get off this couch and have some entertainment! Mom and I rushed out the door for a 4:10 showing of Burlesque. Oh how I yearned to be on that stage, dancing and singing like Christina!! Of course, I'll gladly take walking and talking at this point.

I got a migraine when I came home and had to do the scalding hot washcloth trick in a dark room. I had the worst jello legs I've had in weeks and had to do tons of moxa to revive my energy. In conclusion, I think there was some protective armor that I had before I got sick and I took it off somewhere along the way. Maybe it got too heavy, or my subconscious knew I needed to be totally cocooned to have a true healing. Who knows. All I know is that I'm so sensitive I can't seem to handle socializing, loud noise, flashy lights, intense smells or most foods. I continually remind myself:

"Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness". ~Eckhart Tolle